


The Lady Detectives

by justine472



Series: Happy Days [3]
Category: Holby City
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Detectives, F/F, Thailand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-23 21:49:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17691719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justine472/pseuds/justine472
Summary: A return to the Holby  International English  Language Centre, part of Holby University, where Serena Campbell is Director of Studies and Bernie Wolfe is Head of Teacher Training. This is a standalone story, but belongs to the "Happy Days" series and reference is made to the main work.This AU takes us to Thailand and South-East Asia, where our two favourite ladies get involved in some detective work to uncover a racket operating at Holby University. As usual, dastardly Guy Self is hovering in the background, and we see the re-emergence of the evil Tristan Wood, who had been on the run from Interpol in the previous fic.





	1. Funny Business

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [i dream of love as time runs through my hand](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14243235) by [justine472](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justine472/pseuds/justine472). 



> After wandering off into the world of education scams at the end of "i dream of love..." I got this idea of Berena being co-opted to do some detective work. There's a reference to Alexander McCall Smith's excellent series "The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency", which, for those who don't know it, is set in Botswana, and centres on the agency's founder, Precious Ramotswe, a lady of "traditional" (African) build, and her sidekick, Grace Makutsi, whose claim to fame is that she scored 98% in her secretarial exam and fancies herself as a bit of a hotshot. 
> 
> This is a bit of harmless fluff interspersed with the odd smutty interlude and a hint of a plot to see how our favourite ladies would fare out of their usual comfort zone. Enjoy!

**_“The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.”_ **

_Arthur Conan Doyle_

Dr. Bernie Wolfe, Teacher Training Co-ordinator at Holby University’s International English Language Centre, sits back in her seat, deeply perplexed. In front of her she has a 3,000 word assignment that is both refreshingly innovative and written almost at native speaker level, yet the international student who wrote it is struggling to answer even the most basic questions about it. Aware that her presence may be making the Masters candidate nervous, Bernie softens her approach.

“Lan”, she starts again, “this is really excellent and I am very impressed with the reading you have done.”

Lan blushes and looks down at her hands. Bernie takes this as a sign she is getting through to her, so she continues.

“In section 2.6 you quote research done in Thailand on difficulties students have in pronouncing consonant clusters in English. I’m very interested in that. I wonder if you could get me a copy of that paper.”

“Yes, Dr. Wolfe, I try, but now research paper is quite old. Not sure I can find.”

“Well, in order to quote from it, you must have had access to it, surely?” Bernie asks, trying not to show her impatience.

Lan bites her lip and fixes her eyes on a point over Bernie’s left shoulder.

“I have notes- I remember some quotes.”

“I see. Well,  I note that the author is a lecturer at Mahidol University in Bangkok, it should be possible to request a copy, no?”

“Yes, Dr. Wolfe, I can try.”

The rest of the tutorial goes on in a similar way with Lan answering only briefly and showing none of the brilliance her paper seems to suggest she possesses.

Bernie heads for her office and throws her papers down in frustration. Serena lifts her head “What’s up?”

“I’ve been asked to tutor this extra MA student because David, the new guy replacing Alex, has too many to cope with. So this is her second assignment and it’s brilliant. Trouble is, she doesn’t match the paper”.

Serena raises an eyebrow, about to say something, no doubt, about Bernie intimidating the students, so Bernie carries on-

“Her English proficiency really isn’t what we would expect at this level- she’s supposed to have upper intermediate to advanced level but I’d say she was more a mid -intermediate. Then she can’t answer any of the questions I asked her about the paper. OK, allowing for her being nervous, I took it easy in the first ten minutes, but she never warmed up at all. I wonder if she even wrote the damn paper”.

“That’s quite an allegation”, says Serena.

“But it happens”, says Bernie.

“OK I’ll ask the lecturers to monitor her attendance in seminars, and I’ll ask for a copy of her first assignment.”

“David gave her an A”, says Bernie. “I checked”.

 *

By six pm Bernie and Serena are packing up to go home. Serena snaps the lid of her laptop shut with a satisfied clunk.

“You still on for a holiday over Christmas?”, she says.

“I could certainly do with one”, yawns Bernie.

“How about south-east Asia?” suggests Serena.

“Preferably somewhere I haven’t terrified the locals already”, smirks Bernie.

“I was thinking Thailand and Cambodia”, says Serena.

“Well I’ve been to Bangkok once or twice but never lived in Thailand, and I’ve never been to Cambodia so that sounds good. Angkor Wat is definitely on my bucket list”.

“Then I’ll be adding it to mine”, smiles Serena. “Oh, darling, imagine, me and you on a beach somewhere, cocktails in hand, palm trees, and all the time in the world to…”

“More like coconuts falling on your head”, laughs Bernie. “It’s no joke. When we were in Sri Lanka that actually happened and someone was killed”.

“Well, I expect we can take out insurance against that”, says Serena, heading out of the office as Bernie rolls her eyes.

*

The following week, Bernie emails a report to Henrik Hanssen -recently promoted to Vice-Chancellor of the University following Abi Tate’s sudden and unexpected resignation -expressing her concerns about some of the students on the MA course. She has spoken at length to Dr. David Pennington, who, after a lot of prodding, admitted he has begun to notice the same discrepancies as Bernie between some students’ written papers and their communicative ability in face to face interviews. Bernie also has her suspicions about a PhD candidate who has somehow been admitted on the strength of his research proposal but without anyone having interviewed him- that is, until Bernie met him for the first time.

Serena recalls that it was in May of that year that HIEC took over management of the MA course, and all these students were admitted before then- except the PhD, who was approved by Guy Self, head of the Applied Linguistics Dept. no less, until his research proposal was found to fit better with Bernie’s interests.

“Leave it with me”, is Hanssen’s reply.

*

November is closing in and Bernie has just finished booking flights and hotels for their Christmas holiday trip. Serena has insisted on several days on a beach in Ko Tao, Thailand, before they do anything energetic, and Bernie is thinking about booking a diving course for herself as lying still never was her thing (unless it is in a bed with Serena). Serena flatly refuses to dress in neoprene and strap on an oxygen tank (although she’s not averse to seeing Bernie in a wetsuit).

“You squat in the bottom of the pool all you like, darling, practising breathing through your little tube. I’ll be the one on the side of the pool with a Mojito!” she drawls.

Bernie smiles. At the very least she will get Serena snorkelling.

From Ko Tao they plan to fly to Siem Reap and spend three days touring Angkor Wat before moving to Chiang Mai and Bangkok for another week in Thailand. Bernie decides not to plan too rigidly but to play it more or less by ear. This is the first holiday she and Serena have taken together, apart from a two-day business trip to Madrid back in June, so she is anxious not to overcomplicate things with fixed schedules.

*

Two weeks after Serena’s email expressing concerns about the students, Henrik invites both Serena and Bernie to a meeting in his office. An elfin woman with a bleached blond quiff is sitting at the conference table. She nods to Serena, who smiles back.

“Bernie, this is Roxanna McMillan, Head of International Admissions. She is responsible for monitoring the regional marketing reps and the agents they sign up. With Roxanna’s help, we have uncovered quite an interesting situation”.

“Firstly, it appears you were correct about the students on the MA, and also the PhD guy”, he tells them with a wry smile. “Well spotted. But this is just the tip of the iceberg. Rox, would you like to explain?”

“Right. Well, we started by looking at where those students came from and found they were from three countries in south-east Asia- Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam. Then we looked to see which agent sent them and- guess what? They all came from the same Thai agent, an outfit called ‘Bright Future’ in Bangkok. So then we did an analysis of all the students sent by that particular agent over the last 2 years and it’s around 40 per year, mostly postgraduates, not bad at all for a single agent, especially in the current market. With most of Holby’s taught Masters courses costing £15,000 for international students, this means the agent is earning £60,000 per year for these students alone, and that’s without volume bonuses. And they are all full fee students, some of them even on government scholarships.”

Henrik takes the baton again. “Now you are not the only department affected. It’s pure fluke that HIEC took over the MA in TESOL at the end of last academic year – if you hadn’t done that I doubt very much that we would have spotted this. Applied Linguistics have quite a few of them, but no discrepancies have yet been brought to our attention by Professor Self. However, similar concerns to yours are being flagged up by those running the Masters and the Doctorate in Education Management, and by the lecturers teaching the Early Years Education Masters. Bizarrely, it seems this agent sends most of its students for Education degrees. Even more reason for suspicion,”

“So, what can we do about it?” asks Bernie, impatient to get to the point, and wondering why Serena is not asking the same thing. Her partner is sitting back with a small, fixed smile on her face as if she knows what’s coming.

Henrik looks at Roxanna and raises his eyebrows.

“Well, we need to investigate the agent first of all. This single agent is responsible for sending 100% of those -let’s call them ‘marginal students’, so that’s our starting point,” she says.

“You will have noticed”, Henrik cuts in, “that Professor Self is not in this meeting, and for a reason. Given his involvement with Gaskell, Tristan Wood and that ethically unsound project in the Caribbean, not to mention their attempt to grab the Costa Rica Project, we have to treat him with suspicion until he can be cleared. Therefore, Roxanna and I would like to engage your assistance in getting to the bottom of this current anomaly. And to keep it between the four of us.”

Serena sighs. “And what would this entail exactly?”

“How did you sign up this agent in the first place?” asks Bernie, cutting across Serena’s question.

Henrik and Roxanna look at each other and Henrik waves his hand to indicate that Roxanna should answer first.

“OK the agent, well, it seems we didn’t exactly sign them up. What happened …er…” she flips through some papers on the desk, “almost three years ago, is that we were contacted by a British academic working in Thailand who claimed he had a number of students who wanted to come to Holby University for Education Masters. He sent us their academic transcripts and they were excellent. We asked him to send official applications with references, personal statements and so on, and he said he would get them processed through a trusted local agent, provided we could make an official agreement with them.”

“So you thought, this guy is a British academic, therefore we can trust him, therefore we can trust his agent”, Serena says, her eyebrows raised, while Bernie sits open-mouthed in astonishment.

Roxanna has the grace to look embarrassed.

“I’m sure you know how short-staffed we are in the international department,” she says, “as it is, I myself cover the south-east Asia market, but I can’t possibly visit every single agent in every single country and attend all the fairs. If they are sending us students on a regular basis….”

“You let them carry on”, says Serena grimly. ”And I bet you even pay that British academic to attend the big fairs on Holby’s behalf”.

“Well, not all of them, but in some cases, yes”, she confesses, looking uncomfortable.

Serena sighs loudly. “And have you met this guy? The so-called academic?”

“Yes, I attended a fair with him in Bangkok in, let me see……. er, April.”

“So he knows you”, Serena says, folding her arms and sitting back in the chair, looking even grimmer.

Henrik now addresses himself directly to Bernie and Serena.

“We understand that you two are planning to visit Thailand over the Christmas and New Year period, is that correct?”

Serena groans. “I knew it. You’re going to ruin our holiday”.

“Well, the thing is”, Roxanna says hesitantly, “there’s a fair in Bangkok on January 3rd, and as I have to be at a regional conference in Jakarta on that day, I have asked Clive Woodward, our agent, to cover the fair for me. However, what I’d like to do is ask Serena to join him on the stand as a TESOL specialist and also as an international rep checking on agents.”

Bernie is sitting forward in her seat looking interested. “And what about me?” she asks eagerly.

“Oh, we’re working on a special role for you, Bernie, never fear!” says Henrik with a cryptic smile.

Serena rolls her eyes and uncrosses her arms. “Better make it worth our while”, she grumbles, as Roxanna grins nervously at Henrik.

*

Serena is too depressed to cook that evening so she orders from their favourite Indian restaurant and they take trays into the living room and sit on the sofa.  Bernie is like an excited puppy, almost jumping up and down in her seat at the thought of doing some detective work.

“But darling, I just want to enjoy a relaxing holiday with you”, complains Serena, dipping her garlic naan into the channa masala.

Bernie has constructed an elaborate sandwich with her naan and assorted bits and pieces which is starting to drip as she talks excitedly between bites.

“Come on, Serena, we have a chance to uncover some dodgy dealing and come to the rescue of our university’s reputation!”

A piece of tandoori chicken covered in yogurt and mint plops wetly out of her naan bread and lands on the carpet under the coffee table.  Jason, their young Burmese cat, comes rushing up excitedly but once he gets a sniff of the food he sneezes violently and backs away.

Serena looks distinctly unimpressed.  “Do you have to make such a mess?” she snaps. “I knew we should have stayed in the kitchen, not brought the food in here.”

Bernie’s face falls, but she puts down her sandwich and gets some kitchen roll to pick up the bits of food.

“Sorry, sorry….I was a little carried away. Must be from having binge read the ‘ No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency’ books”.

In fact both Bernie and Serena have been working their way through the series, and often reading bits aloud to each other before bursting into giggles. Serena raises an eyebrow. “Well you’re no Precious Ramotswe”, she says caustically.

“Oh no, that’s you,” Bernie retorts before she can stop herself. “I’m the other one, what’s her name, the secretary who got 98% in her typing exam”.

Serena picks up the nearest magazine and swipes Bernie over the head with it. Bernie grabs her wrists and leans over, saying in a low voice “I think we’re done with dinner, don’t you? How about taking this conversation upstairs, hmm?”

The following morning a more relaxed Serena picks up the phone in her office and places a call to the Vice Chancellor.

“Henrik? Serena here. OK we’ll do it, but only in return for those days in Bangkok being classed as working days, full expenses, per diems etc.”

“You’re on, Ms Campbell”, says Henrik, “Rox will be in touch with the details”.

 * 

The Bangkok Airways jet from Siem Reap rolls into its stand at Suvannabhumi Airport in Bangkok exactly on time and as soon as the engines are switched off, Bernie is on her feet opening the luggage compartment. Serena stays put, happy to let Bernie do the serious lifting. She has spent the entire 1 hour and 10 minute flight complaining about missing  out on  Chiang Mai. Bernie tries to put an optimistic face on it.

“Did Rox say one of her agents would meet us off the flight?” she asks.

Serena fumbles in her handbag and switches on her phone. She has to put her glasses on to read the screen.

“Er..yes.. someone called Claire Addison-Smythe, whoever that might be!”

“Right”, Bernie has got Serena’s trolley and her own backpack down and they head for the terminal.

After clearing immigration and collecting their suitcases from the conveyor, they make for the exit and look for the contact. Bernie quickly spots a tallish, fair -haired  European woman with a sign saying “Holby University”. She approaches her.

“Hi, I’m Bernie Wolfe, and this is Serena Campbell, we’re from the English Centre at Holby University. Are you Claire?”

The woman smiles. She has amused blue-grey eyes and attractive freckles round her nose.  “Hi, call me Caz. Rox told me to pick you up and take you to the hotel where the exhibition is being held. She’ll come and join you after the event.”

Caz leads them out of the terminal and calls someone on her phone. Within seconds a silver Hyundai SUV pulls up and the driver, an athletic looking Thai woman, jumps out and goes to grab their luggage.

“This is my partner, Keerati, known as Kit”, says Caz cheerfully.

Serena squeezes Bernie's fingers. On the ride into town, as Kit weaves skilfully through the intense but fast flowing traffic, Caz gives them an introduction.

“I’ve known Rox since I started in this business 15 years ago”, she says. “Holby has 4 agents in total in Thailand but only 2 in Bangkok. Us – we’re called EduSolutions- and these Bright Future people.”

“What do you know about them?” asks Serena.

“Not a lot really. That guy Clive seems to be the front man, we haven’t seen any of the backroom staff. He’s a weirdo, right, Kit?”

“Yeah”, Kit agrees in a pronounced Australian accent. “He looks weird for one thing, has a very big, funny-shaped head, and he doesn’t say much if you try to get him in conversation”.

“Delightful”, says Serena, “seeing as how I have to share a stand with him tomorrow”.

“Oh look, I’ll be there, too, this is one of the biggest bashes of the year, 60 UK Universities, but I’m with Southampton, not Holby," says Caz.

“So did Roxanna tell you what all this is about?” asks Bernie.

“She just said that she needed someone to check out Bright Future, and that she had asked a colleague from the English language centre to share the stand with Clive. Actually, I was expecting one, not two people”.

“Sorry for the misunderstanding”, Serena cuts in smoothly. “This is my partner, Bernie, she’s head of teacher training in the same centre, and we’ve been on holiday over Christmas in the region.”

Caz turns round from the front seat and smiles warmly.

“Well, hey, welcome and all that. Rox told me to take you to dinner tonight, Serena, so four’s better than 3. The best Shiraz is on order as we speak!”

Kit and Caz leave them at the hotel with arrangements to meet at 7. It’s now almost 4pm so they have three hours to kill. Bernie is peering out of the window.

“Pool?”

“Or Spa?”  Serene is reading the hotel blurb.

Bernie groans. “You’ve pampered yourself around half of south-east Asia over Christmas! Can’t we just go and have a swim and a beer by the pool?”

“Make that a G & T and you might be on!”

Bernie can’t wait to hit the water after being cooped up in cars and planes all day. Serena reclines on a sunbed with her iPad, cautiously removing her sarong, seeing that the sun is now much lower in the sky and not burning as much as earlier. In fact, there is a pleasantly cool breeze coming over the pool terrace. Her eyes close of their own accord.

She wakes to feel cold drips of water on her skin. “What the …?”

Bernie is vigorously towelling herself off next to Serena and fine drops from her hair are spraying over Serena. There is a tall glass filled with lime, ice, and hopefully gin and tonic water on the side table, and a bottle of Chang beer for Bernie.

“Whoops”, and Bernie moves away. Serena watches her, so breathtakingly gorgeous in that one piece navy swimsuit.  Serena can never understand how someone as stunning as Bernie can be so unselfconscious about it. And so unaware of her own beauty. Serena’s luck, she thinks.

Bernie meanwhile has settled on the adjacent recliner and is sitting on the side, swigging from her beer bottle. She is leaning towards Serena, looking at her intently. Serena feels her gaze on her body and blushes.

“What are you looking at?” she asks in a low voice.

“Um, Serena, when was the last time you trimmed your…er…”  Serena’s head whips downwards instinctively and she sees several dark curly strands escaping from the crotch of her swimsuit. She clamps her legs together and groans.

“Pass me the bloody sarong”, she says crossly.

“I thought you’d had the full works in Siem Reap”, says Bernie, reaching  for the discarded sarong.

“Well, it’s alright for you, Ms Straight Up and Down, but you didn't have those girls mooning over your breasts. The way they kept paying attention to them made me decide to pass on the bikini wax!”

“Really?” Bernie is amazed. “You never said anything.”

“Well, no. It was embarrassing” huffs Serena, as Bernie begins to honk loudly. Several people look around to see where the noise is coming from.

“Sorry, sorry,” she splutters, “but the thought!” Then her eyes go dark  as she asks “Did they ask you if you wanted a Happy Ending?”

Serena is astonished “How did you know?”

Bernie is in fits of laughter again. “You haven’t travelled much in Asia, have you? What did you say?”

“Well I wasn’t sure what they were talking about but it sounded distinctly dubious, so I said no.”

“So maybe next time you should say yes.”

“Have you ever done that? Said yes?”

Bernie is silent for a minute, then she says. “It happened once. By accident. It was when I was married to Marcus. We were in Sri Lanka, and had gone to this resort with the kids, for Christmas. Marcus bought me a voucher for the hotel spa. Normally I wouldn’t ever go for massages and stuff like that, I’m not keen on people putting their hands on me. But he wanted me to relax and enjoy myself so I forced myself to go. The massage was very good and I almost fell asleep. Then the girl mumbled something I didn’t quite understand. I thought she was asking if I wanted a kind of perfumed oil, so I just nodded. Next thing I knew she was touching my breasts and then..lower. It happened so fast that I didn’t really understand what was going on.”

“You mean you came? With this girl?”

Bernie shakes her head vehemently. “God, no, of course not. I was horribly embarrassed and I just wanted to get out of there. She was embarrassed too because she saw I had misunderstood. I gave her an extra big tip to save her face, but  I thought I would die of shame. I had to go for a bit of a walk before I could face Marcus and the kids after that!”

“And, let me guess…that experience triggered something in you?”

Bernie doesn’t reply but the answer is reflected in her eyes.

Serena's own enlarged pupils have made her eyes almost black. She bites her lip.

“Well how about we go back to our room and you help me fix my little problem, hmm? Then maybe we can create our own Happy Ending.”

 Bernie jumps to her feet and empties her bottle in one long swallow.


	2. The Sting

The exhibition hall is abuzz. Dr. Serena Campbell, smartly dressed in her black suit and flame coloured silk top, with a lanyard identifying her as HIEC’s Director of Studies, asks the Thai interpreter to help her put up her rollup banner. The agent has yet to appear. Outside in the foyer, Serena can hear some government minister or other giving the official exhibition opening speech.

“They do love their little formalities in Asia”, Caz has warned, so Serena grits her teeth as the Minister drones on outside through a microphone, and concentrates on straightening the brochures on her desk and making polite conversation with the interpreter, who is a student at Chulalongkorn University. She doesn’t recognise any of the other university representatives, but that’s because her usual circuit is Europe, and the reps covering Asia are a different bunch. On the other side of the table, there are unopened boxes of Holby Uni brochures, and a rollup banner in a case, so Serena asks the assistant to set that up too.

As her eyes flick round the room she suddenly sees Southampton’s stand almost directly opposite, on the other side of the hall. Caz is there, with the UK representative.  She looks up briefly and gives a small smile. Serena feels reassured.

As the opening ceremony comes to a halt and people begin to pour into the Hall, a lopsided looking man in a battered grey suit, dark green tie hanging limply round his neck over an off-white shirt, pushes through the crowd and makes his way to Serena’s table. His wispy, colourless eyebrows lift a fraction on seeing her, but he forces a smile and sticks out his hand.

“Clive Woodward”, he says.

“Serena Campbell, Holby International English Centre.”

“Yes, Roxanna told me you were coming. Trying to recruit people for your English language programmes?”

“Well, maybe, but HIEC has recently taken over running the MA in TESOL so I’m here to meet agents and oversee applications.”

Clive nods but doesn't otherwise respond. He sits down and removes his jacket, giving off a rather stale smell. Serena can see semicircles of sweat beginning to spread from his armpits. He is indeed a strange looking man, his balding head almost too big for his body, strands of greyish hair limply plastered over the skull. He has blank, staring eyes. Serena tries not to look too hard at him. Pretty soon they are swamped with eager students and parents making enquiries, so Serena doesn’t have much chance to talk to Clive. When the first surge dies down, Serena looks up to see Caz coming towards her making a sign for her to go outside, then passing her table with no outward sign of recognition. Serena jumps up, saying she needs a bathroom break. Caz beckons to her from behind a pillar in the foyer.

“Not good to talk in the bathroom- walls have ears”, she says. “OK we’re all set to go. Kit’s briefing Bernie in your room.”

The previous evening, Caz had handed over a large envelope which Roxanna had left for Bernie and Serena. Inside were the briefing notes and various documents.

“No one knows Bernie here”, Caz had explained, “so Roxanna's idea is to use her to set up a fake application. Rox only told us the details last night, but she’s done all the prep work to set up the alias and we’re here to support you both.”

They talked the couple through what was proposed, and worked out several backup scenarios.

“Does this stuff really happen in Thailand?” asked Serena, open-eyed?

“Oh yes,” Kit laughed. “There’s even an online company called ‘phoneydiploma.com’. They’re blatant about it!”

Now, having returned to her seat, Serena looks up to see Bernie pushing through the crowd, hair up in an elegant chignon, wearing a white summer dress with a short pale green linen jacket and a lot of gold jewellery. She has a pair of Ray-Bans perched strategically on top of her head. She is deeply tanned from their holiday, and her smooth bare legs end in a pair of smart sandals The dress is cut low and as she approaches, Serena can see her nipples through the thin material. She feels a sharp stab of desire. Bernie looks so effortlessly gorgeous, the jewellery and her confident pose giving her an aristocratic look. Bernie comes up to the table but ignores Serena.

“Can I help you?” Serena says. Bernie turns her head slightly and smiles apologetically, releasing a powerful wave of Oscar de la Renta. “I’m just waiting for Clive to be free”, she says, in her best public school voice. She twitches her designer handbag and Serena sees the long painted nails and elegant rings adorning her fingers. Serena suppresses a smirk, then shrugs and goes back to her ipad, where she is creating a slideshow of HIEC pictures. Finally Clive finishes with the student in front of him and Bernie advances.

“Clive Woodward?” she asks in an upper class drawl.

“Yes, how can I help?” Clive says, furrowing his brow a little, somewhat taken aback by her appearance.

Bernie produces a card from her bag. “Clarissa Bonington-Joyce, from Chiang Mai”, she says. “I‘m an acquaintance of Barnaby’s”.

“Right,” says Clive, nodding slowly.

“It’s my son”, Bernie says. “We live in Thailand and he wants to get a job at a University here, so he’s looking for a Masters in Education Management from the UK. Barnaby said you might be able to help.” She lifts her eyebrows a fraction as she makes eye contact with Clive.

Serena pretends to ignore their conversation and soon a new student sits down in front of her so she carries on, asking the interpreter to help her, leaving Clive and Bernie to talk.

“Does your son have a first degree?” asks Clive.

“Yes, of course”,  pulling a rolled- up certificate from her bag. “Sociology, from Curtin in Australia. He graduated 2 years ago.”

Clive glances at the certificate then hands it back to Bernie.

“Have you approached any other universities?” he asks in an indifferent tone, tapping a pencil on the desk.

“Er, no.... that is, well, I was hoping we could go for a more highly ranked university, but Barnaby told me Holby is very good for Education”.

“Yes, yes it is. And is your son here in Bangkok, Ms Bonington-Joyce?”

“Oh do call me Clarissa. He’s flying down tonight, as it happens.”

“Right, well, I think it would be best to meet in my office tomorrow, with your son, and we can go through the application procedures.”

“It’s just that”, she leans forward, giving Clive a clear view down the front of her dress, and lowers her voice, “since my divorce, I’ve had so much trouble with him. I just want to see him settled, if you know what I mean. It doesn’t matter how much it costs as long as he can get that Masters”.

Clive goes red and sits back in his chair, as far away from the powerful perfume as possible.

“Yes, I totally understand, and I’m sure we can help.” He slides his gaze down and sideways to where Serena’s interview schedule for the following day sits on the table between them. She has consecutive appointments from 9.30 to midday.

“Would 10.00 am tomorrow suit?”, he hands her a card with Bright Future’s address and contact details on.

“That’s perfect. Thank you so much”, and Bernie flashes him her most charming smile as she picks up a brochure and moves off, completely ignoring Serena.

When she has gone, Clive wipes his forehead with his shirt -sleeve and loosens his tie.

“Time for a little break I think. Can I fetch you some tea, er, Serena?”

“Thanks, that would be lovely. I’ll hold the fort, shall I?” and Serena smiles warmly at Clive.

Outside in the foyer, Kit, dressed in ripped jeans and sneakers, face hidden under a red baseball cap, tracks Clive, who heads to the hotel exit, pulling a mobile phone out of his pocket. The conversation is brief. Clive then lights a cigarette and paces for five minutes until a taxi pulls up and a short, fair-haired man gets out.  The two of them walk slowly back into the Hall, then Clive makes for the refreshment table while his companion peels off into the crowd. Kit has taken a few photos on her Iphone, and now she sends them to Caz and Serena with the message “Does anyone know this guy?” She is afraid to go in herself in case anyone recognises her but she stands near the door trying to see where the newcomer has gone. In a moment her phone buzzes.

“Our friend seems to be after Bernie” murmurs Caz, as Bernie comes to stand in front of her table, and picks up a brochure.  The newcomer is hovering a short distance away, talking into his phone. When Bernie turns from the Southampton table, the man puts his phone back in his pocket and intercepts her.

“It’s Clarissa, isn’t it?” he exclaims. “Fancy seeing you here!”

Bernie shakes her head in puzzlement, as if she can’t quite place him.

“Umm.. Nigel? Robert?” she begins, snapping her fingers.

“Colin”, supplies the man. “Colin Davies”.

“Of course, Colin. Remind me, are you Bangkok or Chiang Mai? One meets so many people…”

“Well, a bit of both, I guess”, Colin laughs. “But I’m a friend of Barnaby’s, like you. What are you doing here?”

Bernie sighs theatrically. “Looking for a Masters degree for my son. You heard Tommy divorced me, I expect. Traded me in for a younger model. Thai of course! Thai men never could deal with western women! Well, our son, William, took it rather badly. I’d like to send him to the UK to study for a bit. “

“Have you talked to anyone yet?” asks Colin, a tad too eagerly in Bernie’s opinion.

“Yes, I’m considering Holby UnIversity. Barnaby told me it was good for Education, which is what he wants to do.”

“Oh it’s excellent, I can assure you”, says Colin. “I know quite a bit about it.”

“And what are you doing here, Colin?” asks Bernie.

“I run a tutoring company for Thai students who want to study overseas, so I’m just here to offer them some support”. Colin smiles with all the charm of a crocodile and Bernie suppresses a shudder.

“Well, must get on, hope to see you around,” and she moves off.

 *

By the time the fair ends, Serena has discovered very little about Clive other than the location of Bright Future’s office. She had asked him where he worked, and he mumbled the name of a private university. The business card he gave her, however, which identified him as “Dr. Clive Woodward, Senior UK Counsellor”, only gave the Bright Future contact details.

When Serena gets back to the room, she sees Bernie and Kit sprawled out in the armchairs, beers in hand. Bernie has shed her shoes, jacket and jewellery but is still in the dress.

“You were amazing, darling”, says Serena, removing her jacket and going to kiss Bernie. “Phew- whose idea was it to drown you in Oscar de la Renta?”

“Oh that was Caz! A rich client gave it to her as a present. Ditto the handbag. Not her style,” laughs Kit. At that point there’s a tap on the door and Caz joins them.

“Well, get you, Clarissa Bonington-Joyce. Do you know you actually looked quite like her!”

“She exists?”  Serena is surprised.

“Of course. We couldn’t pull this off if she didn’t. Look,” Caz sits down and grabs a bottle of wine from the fridge, unscrewing the top and offering a glass to Serena.

“Clarissa’s an old friend of Roxanna’s from uni. She did a stint some years back representing UK boarding schools, that’s when I knew her. Then her Thai husband wanted to open a boarding school in Chiang Mai, so they moved there. She hardly ever comes here now, so most people don’t know what she looks like.”

“So this Barnaby really knows her?”

“Oh yes. Barnaby’s an old rogue, he knows everyone in Chiang Mai. He runs a dodgy language school, has a finger in a lot of pies. He even went into the boarding school business with Clarissa’s ex, Tommy. Thing is, he’s actually the genuine article, even if some of his business contacts are, well, dubious to say the least. And he’s loyal to his friends. Rox  talked to Clarissa and she talked to Barnaby and he agreed to go along with our little deception. He doesn’t know Clive well, but he doesn’t like him. He suspects he’s a paedophile. Barnaby would happily sell you a dodgy course, but he draws the line at child abuse.”

“OK and what about this Colin character who came and talked to Bernie?”

“I sent Barnaby the picture, but he only knows him as a British businessman who sometimes rocks up in Chiang Mai trying to recruit kids out of the Thai schools. There’s a funny thing, though. When he hits CM, he always has this Thai woman in tow, to translate. And it turns out she’s the owner of Bright Future, who Clive works for.”

“Curiouser and curiouser”, muses Serena. “And is there really a son? William?”

“Oh yes, but Tommy sent him to Australia yonks ago to live with his sister, to avoid military service. Clarissa commutes between Bangkok and Perth.”

“So who’s showing up tomorrow?” asks Serena. Bernie and Caz snigger as Kit says “my son, Patrick, actually. He’s half Thai, half Australian, so should fit the bill. Right age. But unlike our fake student, he actually does have a bona fide degree!”

Serene is getting impatient to be alone with Bernie, and Caz must sense it because she jumps up and they take their leave, claiming another appointment.

“Rox is arriving tomorrow, so why don’t you all come to dinner at our place, and you can tell us how the Sting went down? “

“Great idea, we'd love to,” says Serena, closing the door behind them. She turns to Bernie, a glint in her eye, and starts unbuttoning her blouse. Bernie catches her breath and moves towards her.

“Where did you get that  dress?”  Serena asks.

Bernie smiles innocently. "A little French designer  shop in Siem Reap. I was keeping it as a surprise."

Serena goes to her and pulls the front so that she can look inside. "Get rid of the bra but keep the dress on" she growls.

Bernie complies.

 *

Several orgasms later, Bernie is fast asleep on her front, hair covering the pillow, dress and knickers  on the floor, the whole bed redolent of Oscar de la Renta. Serena’s nose twitches and she flaps the duvet and lowers  the AC a notch. While Bernie is exhausted from the day’s activities, Serena’s brain won’t leave her alone. She reaches for her phone and finds the picture of ‘Colin Davies’ that Kit had sent her. She forwards it on to Henrik Hanssen with the query “Can you identify this man?”

Five minutes later the reply comes back. “That’s Tristan Wood!”

Bernie is awakened by the sound of Serena talking excitedly into the phone.

“What’s up?” she croaks groggily, but Serena waves her hand to quieten her and puts Henrik on speakerphone. Bernie sits up in bed.

“It’s vital that you get evidence of any criminal behaviour”, Hanssen is saying. “If Bernie is able to get them to offer fake credentials, or support for assignment writing etc., that’s what we need to bring them to justice. Wood is already wanted by Interpol, but if we can kill two birds with one stone, so much the better!”

“What do you mean, Wood?” asks Bernie, getting out of bed and wrapping the hotel’s robe around her as she goes to join Serena on the couch.

“That ‘Colin Davies’ is actually Tristan Wood. Henrik identified him.”

“God, no wonder I was getting a bad feeling from him. You can just sense he’s a crook!”

Serena leans over and eases the front of Bernie’s robe open.

“Mmmm, Clarissa, now for Stage 2 of the operation”.

 *

Serena is actually quite impressed with the quality of some of her MA TESOL applicants the following day. She’s just sorry that she can’t pass them to Caz and Kit instead of the crooks at Bright Future. When she arrived, she was introduced to the Director, a hard-faced, over made -up Thai woman with the most insincere smile Serena had ever seen. Saraswatee (“call me Sukie”) ushered her into a small room separated from  the main office by a thin partition and an aluminium door.  Serena set her laptop and business cards down on the table and accepted a glass of water from an acne'd youth who seemed to be the office gofer.

Serena strains to hear through the walls, but although she hears Bernie arriving and being greeted by Clive, their voices recede, so she imagines there must be an office for Clive which is further away. She goes back to her applicants and gives them her best attention. She also gives them her business card and tells them she will handle all their applications personally, that this is a new strategy of the university. She hopes they believe her, and that by the time they need visas, Bright Future will be out of operation and she can pass them to EduSolutions.

Clarissa Bonington-Joyce, attired today in white capris and a loose, rose pink silk shirt, arrives promptly at 10 am with her son, William, in reality, Kit’s son, Patrick, a lively young man in designer sportswear with  a cheeky smile. Clive is there in the same stale suit, with another greyish shirt. He is slow-moving and expressionless. He asks Bernie for the degree certificate again. He taps a pencil against his teeth while he examines it, then he leans back, and in a soft voice he says:

“William, did you actually attend Curtin University?”

“Of course I did”, retorts Patrick.

“It’s just that this certificate is a fake, see. You bought it on the Khao San road or something like that.”

Patrick blushes and looks down, fidgeting. Bernie cuts in.

“Look, Clive, it’s not exactly a lie. It’s just that William had a number of problems in his final year and couldn’t graduate with the others. It’s just a formality, surely?”

Clive reaches over and opens the door, calling “Sukie”. The hard-faced Director appears holding a piece of paper which she hands wordlessly to Clive.

“This,” Clive says without preamble, “is a record of William’s attendance at Curtin University”.

“But you can’t have that”, protests Patrick, “it’s Data Protection, right?”

Clive smiles without humour. “Oh we can get anything we want if we suspect there’s been someone telling porkies”.

“Now, William Pitsuwan, you attended Curtin University for precisely three semesters after which they kicked you out because you failed your exams twice.”

“I told you,” Bernie blusters, “He had problems. His father and I were divorcing, he kept coming back to Thailand, it was a terrible time.”

Clive ignores her and keeps looking at Patrick.

“So, sonny, if you failed your Sociology exams in Year Two, how on earth do you think you can do a Masters in Education Management?”

“I have experience”, Patrick says sullenly, handing over a crumpled piece of paper that is his “reference” from Barnaby’s language school.

Despite his deadpan face, Clive is clearly enjoying this.

“I don’t think that’s going to get you far”, he says smugly. “The fact is, to get into Holby – or any other university for that matter, for a Masters, you need a good, genuine first degree and clear academic ability. You can’t prove either.”

Patrick opens his mouth to protest, but Bernie stills him with her arm.

“I was told, Clive, that you were an expert in helping cases like ours,”, she says. “And, as I said before, money is no object”.

Clive looks at her for a full thirty seconds, then he says.

“Well, there may be a solution, but I have to warn you, it would be technically illegal.”

“My information is that you are highly successful in processing applications such as these. What’s the actual risk of being caught?”

Clive gives a nervous smile and hedges. “It’s not just the application. Let’s say we can get him a better degree certificate, one that no one will question, and good references. What about when he gets there? “

“Well, we can worry about that when he goes get there”, Bernie says, tossing her hair, which she is wearing down today.

Clive opens the door again and Sukie appears.

“Take William to Starbucks next door and get him a drink”, he says, his eyes not leaving Bernie’s. Patrick looks at Bernie pleadingly but she says “Let me sort this, William. Don’t worry”. And he goes out sulkily, fishing earbuds from the pocket of his Adidas shorts.

“So what are we actually talking about?” asks Bernie.

“Can I see some ID, Ms Bonington-Joyce?”

Bernie opens her handbag and throws a Thai driver’s licence onto the desk, the picture old and smudged. Then she pulls out a copy of William’s birth certificate, and a statement from HSBC bank addressed to Clarissa Bonington-Joyce in Chiang Mai.  Her eyes are black and defiant as she glares at Clive.

Clive gives no more than a cursory glance at the documents. Then he takes a deep breath and says.

“There are two parts to this and both will cost you.”

“Go on,” she says coldly.

“We can get William an Honours degree Certificate and academic references that will allow him to be accepted by Holby University. It will have to be from Australia, because of the previous stamps in his passport, OK? To meet UK entry standards it will have to be from a good uni, so we pay more for that. Five thousand US for the degree certificate and matching transcript. Which passport did he use to study in Australia? UK or Thai?”

“His UK passport”, Bernie replies.

“Good, so he won’t need an English test for the visa.  Are you wholly resident in Thailand? ”

“Yes. I know we’ll have to pay international fees for William”.

Clive acknowledges this with a smile. More commission for him in that case.

“OK, then for the application, references  and a guarantee of acceptance, ten thousand US. On top of his fees and living costs.”

Bernie nods curtly.

“What about the study support?”

“That is handled by another company”, says Clive.

“Well can you tell me something about how that works?”

 “Oh, I can do better than that”, says Clive, picking up the phone on his desk. When the person he is calling answers, he says “You free at the moment?”  Then he puts the phone down and stands up.

 “Follow me”, he says, going to another door that leads off the back of his office. Bernie follows. There is a narrow corridor and Bernie sees another door on the left leading into the street. On the right there is a staircase which they mount. At the top of the stairs, another room. Clive opens the door and ushers her in. The man calling himself Colin Davies is sitting at a desk. When he sees Berne, he stands up and smiles, extending his hand.

 “Well, Clarissa, how nice of you to come.”

 “I nearly had a heart attack”, Bernie later confesses to Serena. “Especially when Clive closed the door and left me alone with that shark.”

 “Did you get it all?” Serena asks. They are now sitting in a coffee shop in Central World, far away from Bright Future’s office.

 Bernie pulls out her phone and locates the Voice Memo she recorded. She presses play, and Serena can clearly hear ‘Colin’ telling Bernie that her son’s Masters degree, as provided by his company, will cost thirty thousand US dollars on top of the university’s fees. ‘Colin’ explains that he has a team of specialists who provide the assignments, and that they know the curriculum of the Holby Masters very well, including all the assignment titles.

 “I wonder who gave him that inside info”, says Serena grimly. “So what now?”

 Bernie and Patrick had gone back to Clive and signed an agreement obliging Bernie to pay the fifteen thousand dollars required to obtain the documents for William’s application within 48 hours. Bernie had also promised to send all William’s original documents by courier from Chiang Mai as soon as she returned there.

 “By which time we’ll be long gone”, says Bernie gratefully. Her stomach rumbles. She looks around. “Food Court” she demands.

 *

Once they return to the hotel,  Bernie uploads the recorded conversations to Drop Box and sends Henrik a link. She also copies the files to her laptop and makes a backup on a spare hard drive.

“Now what?” she asks.

 Serena is talking to Henrik again on speakerphone.

“Today is Thursday, so I’ll get things moving at my end.  First, we alert Interpol to the location of Wood.  But we can’t get the Thai police involved in the Bright Future scam. It’s too dangerous for you and for Patrick. We’ll wait until Wood is caught and then we’ll move to terminate the contract with Bright Future, alert the British Embassy and UKVI, and cancel the visas of the bogus students already at Holby.”

“And what about Guy Self?” asks Serena. “It must be him providing information to Wood about the Masters syllabuses, and guaranteeing those bogus students admission.”

“Oh, I’ve got my eye on Professor Self”, says Hanssen grimly. “Don’t worry, if he’s involved, we’ll catch him”.

“And us?” asks Serena. “Can we carry on with our holiday now?”

“Serena, you and Bernie need to get out of Thailand as quickly as possible. We have no idea what will happen once Interpol get involved and you need to be far away. We can’t risk any local repercussions once they work out who Bernie really is.”

*

The atmosphere at Caz and Kit’s is both triumphant and a little apprehensive when they gather later that evening with Roxanna, newly arrived from Jakarta. Patrick is also there, and they replay some of the day’s dialogue for Caz, Kit and Roxanna.

“How did they get Curtin’s official records?” asks Bernie, remembering how Clive and Sukie had had the “real” information about William’s studies ready.

“They didn’t,” smiles Patrick. “William actually went to Murdoch, not Curtin, and he finished his degree.”

“The Curtin rep is my ex-husband, Patrick’s father,” cuts in Kit. “Patrick got the fake document on the Khao San road and we primed Kevin to give that information when the agent made the request. All the agents have to go through him to get access to student records, and then, only if there’s a definite suspicion of cheating. It just looked better to show that William had at least started his studies there.”

Bernie is impressed. “And thank goodness we had Patrick to stand in for William. Otherwise I'd have been trying to negotiate this without actually producing the student. Hey, we make a great team”, she says admiringly.

 “Well, from what I’ve heard, Bernie you’re also an amazing actress”, says Roxanna, her eyes shining as she sips her white wine.

 “She certainly is”, says Serena looking at her lovingly.

 “Oh come off it”, Bernie is embarrassed. “Patrick did a great job, too.”

 “Thanks, Mum”, says Patrick, kissing her on the cheek before heading out to meet his friends.

 “But now it could get dangerous,” Caz says worriedly. “It’s a good thing Patrick is going back to Melbourne tomorrow to start his Masters. But what are you ladies going to do?”

 “I want to do some sightseeing”, says Serena firmly.

 Roxanna and Bernie exchange looks.


	3. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena and Bernie have an unpleasant surprise when out sightseeing, resulting in them having to leave Thailand hastily. The adventure continues in Vietnam, where they get back on the trail of the unsavoury Clive Woodward and his associates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've now reached the end of this particular adventure. I had a bit of a travel gap myself after Chapter 2, so it took a while to complete. Readers may be interested to know that these education scams happen in real life, and that some of the situations described are based on actual experience over the years.

Chatuchak market is a riot of colour and seems to go on forever. Serena manages to buy several presents for friends, weaving in and out of stalls, with Caz on her tail and Bernie following unenthusiastically  behind. When Serena stops suddenly to examine a bunch of silks, Caz turns and realises that Bernie is nowhere to be seen.

“Stay there, Serena,” she orders, “I’ll be right back”.

As she retraces her steps, she sees Bernie next to a collection of exotic table lamps, seemingly frozen, a brown hand with long painted fingernails posed on her wrist. Caz lifts her Ray-Bans and recognises Sukie, from Bright Future. She takes a deep breath.

“Clarissa darling”, she whines in her most upper class voice, “I thought we were heading for the coffee tables- oh!” on pretending to see Sukie.

“It’s Saraswatee, isn’t it?” she says politely. “I didn’t know you knew Clarissa.”

Sukie eyes Caz suspiciously.

“And I don’t know she knows you” replies Sukie, stony faced.

“She’s one of my oldest friends from the UK,” says Caz. “We always get together when she comes to Bangkok”.

Bernie wakes up at this point and shrugs Sukie’s hand off her wrist.

“It’s OK Sukie” she says haughtily in Clarissa’s voice, “I’m just doing a bit of shopping before going back to Chiang Mai this evening”.

Sukie backs off, and Caz looks round urgently for Serena, hoping she won’t suddenly appear.

“Well come on, then,” says Bernie/Clarissa impatiently, moving towards Caz. “Or we’ll be late for our lunch date.”

Caz takes Bernie’s arm and they begin to pull away from Sukie, waving politely. Sukie doesn’t move, but when they turn their backs, she starts to follow them, keeping two or three people between them. They catch up with Serena, and Caz takes her arm and murmurs in her ear. “Don’t say a word”, and pulls her along with them.

“So, Clarissa darling”, says Caz loudly, “as I’ve offered to help Holby out today by chaperoning Serena, we’d better get her back to her hotel before Roxanna needs her for the meeting this afternoon.”

“Yes, absolutely”, says Bernie, and the three of them move towards the exit.

“What’s going on?” hisses a very pissed off Serena, “I wanted to buy some silks.”

“Not now” says Caz firmly, and she walks briskly towards the exit, only daring to look round when they have gone more than 100 yards from where they saw Sukie. Sukie has not followed all the way, but she has definitely clocked Serena and Caz can see her leaning against a wall, talking on her phone.

“Shit, shit shit! We’ve got to get out of here like right now”, and Caz leaps forward as they reach the gate and hails a tuk-tuk, giving the driver an address in Thai and bundling the women into the vehicle.

“God”, says Bernie, “that was close. She just came up to me and put her hand on my arm. Caz, if you hadn’t arrived at that moment I might have forgotten to be Clarissa!”

“It’s bad enough,” she says. “I mean, it’s reasonable that Clarissa and I might know each other, but to be all buddy -buddy the day after Clarissa has negotiated a highly unethical package for her son with a rival agent, that’s suspicious. She will think you’ve told me about it, because I’m Holby’s agent too, and that’s dangerous for them.”

“What do you think she’s doing now?” asks Serena anxiously.

“Telling Tristan Wood to get out of Dodge, I wouldn’t mind betting,” Caz replies.

“Serena, call Henrik- NOW” says Bernie.

Hanssen is predictably annoyed. “I told you to leave Thailand, Serena, not go sightseeing”, he says.

“I know, Henrik, it was just awfully bad luck, but we must let Interpol know that Wood might flee.”

When they get back to the hotel, Roxanna is firm. “We’re getting you on a plane out of here,” she says. “When is your return flight to the UK?”

“Not for three days,” says Bernie. “Where are you headed next?”

“Ho Chi Minh City”, says Roxanna.

“Well, let’s call Thai Airways. Do we need visas?” Serena asks innocently.

Roxanna fixes her with a stare then she snaps her fingers and says to Caz “Call Kit’s sister and book these two on the same flight as me.”

 *

Bernie, Serena and Roxanna eat a hasty room service lunch  and check out of the hotel.  By 5.30 pm all are sitting in the Business Class lounge at Suvannabhumi airport waiting for their flight to Ho Chi Minh City.

Roxanna’s phone rings- Henrik. She listens and her face shows her frustration.

“OK, we’re on our way out of Bangkok, Henrik, and we’ll keep a lookout for the horrible Clive.”

“What’s up?” asks Bernie.

“Well, Tristan Wood has done a bunk. The Interpol officers got to his office at about 2pm and of course, he’s disappeared and the office was cleared out, no sign of habitation, all locked up, big “for rent” sign on the door.

“They had no mandate to arrest Clive Woodward, and they saw him in the Bright Future office, so they asked the local police to pay a visit and see if they could find anything that might incriminate Wood. By the time the locals got there, both Clive  and Sukie had “gone away on business”, quote unquote.

They sit glumly while their flight is called.

“What are we going to do in Vietnam?” asks Bernie when they are seated.

“All the sightseeing we couldn’t do in Thailand, I hope” says Serena, fastening her seatbelt.

“Actually,” Roxanna begins, and Bernie sits up in her seat attentively “Yes?” obviously hoping for more action.

“Clive Woodward also operates in Vietnam. I’ve run into him once or twice at events, sitting on agents’ tables. He might have gone ahead of us on one of the budget flights, to escape from the Thai police.”

“OK so we investigate”, determines Bernie, “bearing in mind that Bright Future has also recruited some students from Vietnam”.  Serena groans and buries her face in the airline magazine.

By the time the three women have cleared immigration, collected their suitcases and are in a taxi heading for the Central Business District in Ho Chi Minh City, Roxanna has formulated a plan. She switches the sim card in her phone to a local one and, winking at Bernie, she dials a number.

“Hey, it’s Rox. I’m back in town with a couple of colleagues. Do you fancy meeting for a drink? OK, the Cork and Bottle at 9.30 it is. See ya!”

They check into the Park Hyatt Hotel and Roxanna says – “Meet in the lobby in 15 minutes. We’re walking”.

Bernie and Serena are taken to their very nice room and Serena unlocks her case and hunts for a different top to wear. As she unbuttons her blouse, she sees Bernie looking at her hungrily.

“If you were less keen on us imitating Cagney and Lacey, all this would be yours, starting from now”, she says, standing in her black lacy bra through which her nipples are clearly visible.

Bernie growls and takes several steps towards her, shooting a quick look at her watch.

“Stop right there!” says Serena smoothly. “I am a dish to be savoured, not squeezed in between checking in and rushing out. Just be aware of what you’re missing”, and she puts on a loose Cambodian shirt with a pink and purple swirly pattern, giving herself a quick blast of Jo Malone and pulling out her lipstick as she heads for the bathroom mirror.

Bernie’s pupils are dangerously enlarged but she quickly swaps her T-shirt for a blue short-sleeved shirt over the white ribbed vest top that does funny things to Serena’s insides, and follows Serena to the door obediently, just patting her cheekily on the rump as they exit.

“Bernie”, Serena says warningly, as they head for the lift.

“Who are Cagney and Lacey?” asks Bernie.

The Cork and Bottle turns out to be a very nice, discreet, French-owned wine bar a 10 minute walk from the hotel. When they arrive, it’s empty, and Roxanna grabs a high table and pulls stools around. She gives Serena the wine list and tells her to get a bottle of whatever she prefers.

As the waiter is pouring the wine, there is a loud clanking noise outside and a Honda scooter pulls up onto the pavement. The driver dismounts and pulls off a helmet revealing short, chestnut hair which she pats down before entering.

“Rox!” she says and comes forward to hug Roxanna.

“Jo, meet Serena, Director of Studies at the Holby International  English Centre, and Bernie, head of teacher training. Jo’s our agent in Saigon.”

“Joanna Robson, I’m from VN- StudyAbroad “.  They all shake hands then Serena pours Jo a glass of wine. “Hope you like Shiraz”, she says.

“Love it”, says Jo. “So what’s up Rox? That was very short notice, not your usual style”

Roxanna briefly outlines the situation, including the news that Clive Woodward may be in town, trying to avoid the Thai police.

“I’ve always thought that guy was super creepy”, she says in her soft Scottish accent. “He runs some kind of club here called the “UK-Vietnam Friends Society” and he recruits teenagers to attend these meetings. It looks harmless, but some of the kids have told me he invites them for private meetings in his hotel room.”

“What?” Serena is incensed.

“Yeah, it’s crap, I know, but the parents don’t think it’s creepy, they want the kids to improve their English, so they’d never think he might abuse their trust.”

“Can we catch him?” Bernie is on the edge of her seat.

“Oh, I doubt that”, says Roxanna, exchanging looks with Jo. “But with any luck, now that we’ve rumbled their little scam, we can shut down his recruitment operation in Vietnam.”

The rest of the evening passes in a pleasant haze of wine with cheese and cold cuts plates. Jo is entertaining company and both Serena and Bernie find themselves laughing at her stories. Finally, the third bottle is empty and Jo looks at her watch.

 “Whoops! Better go”, she says, searching for her wallet. Roxanna stops her.

 “No, we’re paying for the pleasure of your company”, she says, putting her university credit card down on the bill.

 Jo pauses and looks searchingly at Roxanna. “Is that all?” she asks knowingly.

Roxanna blushes a little.

 “Well, perhaps there is something you could do for me.”

 Jo sits back down. “I knew it”.

*

 Despite her earlier professed lack of enthusiasm, Serena has enjoyed the evening. She has especially appreciated the excellent wine and being able to stroke Bernie’s thigh under the high table, her fingers moving higher until Bernie has had to remove her hand, squirming uncomfortably. By the time they get to their room, Serena has wound Bernie up into a state of excited anticipation.

 “Phew, it’s humid out there”, Serena declares exaggeratedly fanning herself and unsticking her shirt from her skin. “Shower, I think.”

She pulls her shirt over her head and drops it and her capris on the carpet, then turns in her underwear and beckons towards the ensuite. Bernie needs no bidding, dropping her own damp shirt, vest top and lightweight jeans on the floor and practically ripping off her underwear as she follows Serena into the shower. Serena is delighted to find herself pinned to the wall by a very enthusiastic partner and treated to a knee-trembling orgasm even before the shower gel has been opened. As Bernie is holding her up against the wall and she is recovering her breath, she sees what else is in the spacious bathroom.

 “How about we take this to the jacuzzi?” she asks, indicating the corner tub.

 It’s much later, maybe 2 am as Bernie lies awake and the thought hits her.

 “Serena”, she murmurs.

 “What? “

 “Aren’t you asleep?”

 “No, my brain won’t switch off”, grumbles Serena, sitting up in bed and turning on the bedside lamp.

 Bernie is lying propped on her elbow, radiating earnestness.

 “So I was thinking. Jo said her ex knows the director of an agency that collaborates with Clive in Hanoi.”

 “Ye-ess”

 “What if he really intends to go to Hanoi and maybe even hook up with Tristan Wood there?”

 “Hmmm…”

 “Jo also said that Hanoi is where he started that weird club.”

 “So?”

 “Maybe we should contact Jo’s ex and find out more about who he hangs out with?”

*

Over breakfast, Roxanna tells them she has appointments all day, so Bernie and Serena are on their own. She calls Jo and asks for her ex’s contact details.

Andrew McBride, who first came to Vietnam with Jo, but who is now married to a Vietnamese woman, is surprisingly helpful. He is a teacher at one of the international schools in Saigon, and, as it’s Saturday, he arranges to meet Bernie and Serena in a café downtown to tell them what he knows about Clive.

Andrew is tall with curly brown hair and a cheeky smile. He arrives on his motorbike in shorts and flip flops.

“I worked for a bit in Hanoi”, he tells them, “which is where I met my wife. Clive had made friends with the counsellor in my school and he used to come in and talk to the kids about studying in the UK. Then he started that UK-Vietnam Friendship Society. He also recruits students for UK universities through this small agency. The Director is my wife’s former classmate. Both Thuy, my wife, and I think Clive is super creepy, but this woman- her name is Hoa- thinks he’s the bees knees.”

“Have you or your wife ever heard about any extra or special services Clive offers to students? Especially to those who might be struggling academically?”

Andrew thinks for a moment, then he laughs. “It’s funny you should say that. Hoa has a sister who went to the UK to do her Masters, but she set up a business there as well. One day, Hoa said to my wife that she had to finish an assignment for her sister. Thuy was surprised, she asked what she meant. Hoa said her sister was much too busy with her business to do things like assignments so she had asked Hoa to do it for her. Hoa did her Masters in TESOL in Australia, so she’s quite capable. Thuy was scandalised, as you can imagine, but Hoa just shrugged her shoulders and said lots of people did that.”

“Let me guess where Hoa’s sister was studying,” says Serena grimly. “It wouldn’t be Holby University by any chance, would it?”

“Yes, I’m pretty sure it was”, Andrew replies.

Serena asks for Hoa’s agency name and her number, then they wander off and visit a few landmarks. By the time they meet up with Roxanna in the hotel bar that evening, Serena is a woman on a mission.

“I’m sure Clive is using Hoa’s agency to get students he then feeds through the Thai agent”, she says. " And I bet Hoa offers the academic support service to them. Have you ever heard of this agent?” She shows Roxanna the paper with the name of Hoa’s agency on it.

“I’m not sure. I get lots of emails from Vietnamese agents but we have to be careful, I only work with one or two  of the bigger ones with a solid track record.”

“Are you going to Hanoi?”

“Yes, tomorrow.”

“Then we’re coming with you”.

This time it’s Bernie’s turn to be reluctant. “I don’t see how we can catch this guy, Serena. I mean, he knows who you are and he thinks I’m Clarissa.”

“You’ll have to stay out of it”.  Serena is firm. “I’m going to approach the agent and tell her that as Holby has a number of Vietnamese students, we could be looking for new agents. Then see if they bite. Of course,” she nods to Roxanna, “we’re not interfering with your business. I’ll make it clear we’re only recruiting for the MA TESOL and our language programmes.”

“I only have two appointments in Hanoi, so maybe I could come with you”, Roxanna suggests. “It would look more official. Then if Clive is on the scene  we’ll have the connection, and would be able to prove he is processing the students through the Thai agency, since Hoa has no official relationship with Holby University .”

“What am I going to do?”  Bernie is disappointed.

“We’ll think of something”, smiles Roxanna.

*

Hanoi is cool and misty, a big contrast from the heat of Saigon. The Holby team arrives on Sunday afternoon and settles into the hotel. In the evening they are taken for a delicious Vietnamese meal by one of Roxanna’s official agents. Roxanna tries to sound them out about Hoa’s agency, but no one seems to know much about them. On Monday morning, Roxanna and Serena come up with a plan. They aim to take Hoa by surprise, after lunch. Roxanna sets off in a taxi to her first appointment and Bernie asks about renting a motorbike.

“You’re not serious!” exclaims Serena.

 “Why not? When I lived in Asia I always rode a motorbike. With a crash helmet and glasses, I won’t be recognisable. I can follow you to the agency and then if Clive appears I can follow him and find out where he’s staying. Maybe he can lead us to Tristan Wood.”

Serena is sceptical, but she can see Bernie is upset to have been excluded from the action so she can only agree, albeit reluctantly.

Roxanna reappears at 12 and they go to the hotel restaurant for lunch. Then Serena puts on her suit, and together she and Roxanna head off in a taxi. Bernie has spent the morning getting familiar with the Honda scooter she hired and now has a good idea of the local geography and driving practices.

All the way to the agency, Serena keeps nervously looking round to see that Bernie hasn’t fallen off her scooter or had an accident, but Bernie hangs in there, stylishly weaving in and out of the chaotic traffic. In her jeans, sneakers lightweight waterproof jacket and the half face helmet with visor she has sourced from somewhere, she blends in well. Serena can’t stop looking at her. Roxanna is reading emails on her phone and not paying much attention, but at one point, she pats Serena’s arm and says “Stop worrying”. Then she looks up and her eyes meet Serena’s. “Or drooling!“  Serena blushes.

When they arrive, Bernie hangs back as the two women get out of the taxi and enter the building. She leans nonchalantly forward over the front of the bike and pretends to be reading something on her phone. After less than 10 minutes, the door opens and a worried looking Clive emerges. Bernie doesn’t know whether he has seen her colleagues  or not. Clive walks a few paces down the street and hails a passing taxi. Fortunately, the traffic is congested and slow, so Bernie can easily follow, keeping two or three vehicles back and her head down.

Clive enters a mid-range hotel just off the old town, and Bernie pulls up a few yards away. She waits 5 minutes, in case Clive re-emerges. Then cautiously, she parks the bike in the care of a pavement guard, and replaces her helmet with a blue baseball cap.

She enters the hotel and goes to the front desk where a fresh-faced young man smiles at her.

“Can I help you, Madame?”

“Yeah”, she pitches her voice low, affecting an American accent. “I’m trying to locate some conference delegates who should have checked in here? My company needs to send them information packs so we have to be sure they’ve arrived. “

“Yes, Madame, tell me the names.”

Bernie pulls a piece of official looking paper from her pocket and pretends to read off it.

“Um..a Mister Woodward?” she says, spelling it for the clerk.

“Yes we have two guests,” the young man says.

“Really? Well my delegate’s first name is Clive- C-L-I-V-E”

“Yes, Mr. Clive, his room 204.”

Bernie takes a pen and makes a tick mark on the paper.

“And is the other one his brother? I seem to remember he said something about that. What’s his name? Um...”

“No,  other one is a woman, Mrs Anna. But she not with him.”

“What about Mr. D-A-V-I-E-S ?  First name Colin?”

 “No, not Mr Davies.”

 “OK, so maybe he’s in a different hotel. Um..I have one more here,”, on a sudden hunch, “ um Wood? W-O-O-D ?”

 “Yes, we have Wood”,  he pronounces it as “Ud”.

 “Tristan?” asks Bernie excitedly, spelling it again for the young clerk.

 “Ye-ess, that’s room 306.”

 “Oh that’s awesome, thank you very much”.

 She ticks the paper again, then grins lopsidedly at the boy and says “Have a nice day”, and saunters out, breaking into a run as she gets round the corner of the building, pulling out her phone. She texts Serena.

_Can you talk?_

 A few moments later, Serena calls her.

 “We’re just leaving, what is it?”

 “Clive is here and so is Tristan Wood. He’s checked into the Springtime Hotel under his own name, would you believe, room 306.”

 “That’s fabulous, Bernie, I just hope Henrik can get Interpol here in time, or trust the Hanoi police. We’re on our way back to the hotel now. Get back as fast as you can.”

 Bernie activates Google maps to find her way back to their hotel and drives off, feeling very pleased with herself.

 Serena has called Henrik and tipped him off to Wood’s presence in Hanoi. She also gives him a precis of their meeting with Hoa. Henrik is relieved and delighted.

 “Now leave it with me and get out of town today. No sightseeing this time, we can’t risk any more accidental meetings.”

 “So what happened with Hoa?” asks Bernie, when she gets back to the hotel and sees Serena packing. “I saw Clive come out, did he see you? Is there any risk he’ll tip off Wood and make a run for it?”

“Fortunately, when we arrived, one of the staff came and showed us into Hoa’s private office. We didn’t see Clive, he must have been in another office, so he could leave unobserved. Hoa spoke to the staff in Vietnamese and I’m guessing she told them to warn him to go.”

“That’s great! It also means Clive doesn’t necessarily suspect we know he’s there.”

“Rox was fantastic,” says Serena, “she acted all innocent, told Hoa that we had quite a few students enrolled on the MA TESOL from Hanoi and was visiting several agents to see whether they were interested in recruiting for us. I don’t think Hoa suspected a thing.”

“How did she react?”

“Oh very non-committal, as if she wasn’t sure she could get people interested. She did ask how we had heard about her, though.”

“And?”

“Roxanna gave her the name of another agent in Hanoi, a big one, who said she had told her that she believed one of her students had gone from them to Hoa, so she thought Hoa was a player for UK Unis.”

“Is that true?”

“Well it can’t be proved either way so it shouldn’t make her suspicious. Now, Dr. Wolfe, we’ve been ordered back to Saigon for some R n R, so pack your stuff, taxi’s coming in ten minutes.”

 *

Three days later, Bernie and Serena arrive back at Heathrow on the overnight flight from Bangkok, bronzed and rested, if a little jet-lagged. To their surprise, they are greeted by a sign held up in Terminal 4 Arrivals “ Campbell and Wolfe, Holby University”. Henrik has sent a taxi to meet them. As soon as they get on the road, the driver says “You need to call your boss. I was under strict instructions to tell you as soon as I picked you up.”

“Congratulations, ladies”, Henrik announces smugly. “Tristan Wood was detained 48 hours ago in Hanoi by the Vietnamese police and held until Interpol arrived to arrest him. He’s now being returned to the UK where he’ll be charged with fraud, and the Americans want him, too, for embezzlement of funds.”

“That’s fantastic, Henrik,” says Serena. “So glad we could help.”

 "Oh, you did that alright. We’ve also got the Vietnamese police interested in Clive Woodward – his real name is Wood, by the way, he’s Tristan’s half-brother, it turns out- for possible paedophilia. Roxanna and Jo managed to get a couple of the students to talk, and it seems there may be grounds for looking more closely at Mr Wood-Woodward’s activities.”

“Even better”, says Serena. “Perhaps he’ll enjoy a stay in the same prison as Gary Glitter a few years ago!”

“Indeed”, says Hanssen. “In the meantime”, he continues,"the Thai police have closed Bright Future and are investigating Sukie for fraud and unethical practices, and we have rescinded the visas of all the students coming through that agency who had question marks against their academic ability, and where we have identified their documents as fakes. We’ve been busy! And you’ll be happy to know that Professor  Self has also been suspended pending an investigation into how those students got admitted. I somehow doubt we’ll be able to pin anything on him, he’s too slippery, but hopefully he’ll be trembling in his Bruno Maglis for a while”.

Serena laughs.

“So, ladies,  take the rest of the day off, and we’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Hmm, the rest of the day”, murmurs Serena. “What could the No 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency do with that, I wonder?”

Bernie’s eyes are closing and she sits back in her seat and drops her head onto Serena’s shoulder.

“Need you ask? Wake me when we get home and I’ll show you”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
